In an impulsive, non-midlife-crisis move, the day before I turned 32, I cut off all my hair.
Okay fine, not all of it. Just a foot. Enough to give any ordinary man a complex at any rate. I was inspired by a recent photo of Charline Theron. I just wish I had remembered a few important details. Namely, that I do not have the facial bone structure of Charlize Theron.
wearing my pants better than me. That'll learn him.
I mailed the ponytails to Locks of Love, because I figured if I wasn't going to get enjoyment of my long hair, somebody else more deserving should. I made this same move back in my early college days, long before I ever owned a flat iron. Fortunately while I may not currently be rocking Charlize's cheekbones, at least this time around, I'm not competing with Joan Rivers and her curling iron for Best Geriatric Bob on the E! red carpet.
I wish I was joking.
Of course, earlier today, People reported that Emma Stone/Ms-I-saw-Ryan-Gosling-without-a-shirt-from-less-than-a-foot-away, also chopped her hair. Careful Hollywood: between Duchess Catherine's obvious need to emulate me and now this, I might mistakenly start calling myself a trendsetter and demanding my own reality show with frequent cameos from Kanye West.